April 22nd, 2006 @ 10:46PM
Where Have I Been?
So many answers....so little time.
1. I was kidnapped to Rio with two other DM’ers. Happily, one escaped unscathed
with a rose in her teeth. 
The other grew fond of solitary confinement and
occasionally returns to visit our former captors. 
2. I participated in a walking tour of the world’s best noodle factories.
Dropped my laptop in a vat of chicken lo mein. Terrible loss but oh so tasty. 
3. I spent the last year training in Afghanistan to be a camp cook.
(Recipes to follow, but sorry, no pics allowed.) 
4. I just didn’t have a thing to wear, dahling! 
5. I went looking for Dorothy in Oz. No luck, but I did come back with
the cutest pair of red shoes! 
5. I’ve been here all this time. Just real quiet. 
6. Choose your own Gatherer adventure.
April 11th, 2006 @ 12:05AM
HELLO, EVERYONE!
January 23rd, 2005 @ 1:48PM
Who would have thunk it?
What's more risky than being a Alaskan king crab fisherman?
December 26th, 2004 @ 2:51PM
December 26th, 2004 @ 12:40PM
December 12th, 2004 @ 12:54PM
HO HO HO
Have you been a good little boy or girl?
What can Santa bring you?
December 2nd, 2004 @ 10:36PM
REFLECTIONS ON MY ONE YEAR DM ANNIVERSARY
Why I’m a Much Better Person
1. I’ve met TONS of great, awesome, incredible people.
2. I’m a lot cooler than I was one year ago.
3. I’ve learned how to carry on multiple conversations at the same time and still make sense (kinda).
4. I have my own personal avatar that I can change on a whim, and no one can stop me.
5. I’ve learned that being shot by an emoticon means “I love you” or, in some cases, “You don’t suck
too bad”.
6. I’ve learned that finding a musical gem from an unknown talent is much more exciting than meeting a famous so-so celebrity.
7. I stopped watching American Idol.
8. My typing skills and ability to compose short, pithy statements have vastly improved.
9. I’ve learned that I’m really not that special. Most DM'ers are just like me.
10. Did I mention that I’ve met TONS of great, awesome, incredible, beautiful, wonderful people?
November 26th, 2004 @ 7:16PM
CROSSING THE BORDER
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada
has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols
to stop the illegal immigration.
The re-election of President Bush is prompting the exodus among
left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray,
and agree with Bill O'Reilly. Canadian border farmers say it's not
uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal rights activists
and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the
cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the
barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North
Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.
"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When
I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him
my screenplay, eh?"
In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher
fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers
that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. Not real effective," he
said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so
much they wouldn't give milk."
Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals
near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive
them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.
"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an
Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of
drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet,
though."
When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often
wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors
have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing
re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic
beer and watch NASCAR.
In the days since the election, liberals have turned to sometimes
ingenious ways of crossing the border.
Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap
Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans
disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began
stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers.
"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show,
we get suspicious about their age," one official said.
Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are
creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan
Sarandon movies.
"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't
support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors
does one country need?"
In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice
President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that
the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close
to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts.
And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The
president is determined to reach out."
November 25th, 2004 @ 12:45AM
PLEASE! FOR THE SAKE OF WORLD PEACE AND TURKEY SALVATION, READ THE FOLLOWING IMPORTANT MESSAGE!
Thanks to all of you who’ve made generous contributions in the past to help turkeys. We have put the money to use so that turkeys everywhere can have rich and fulfilling lives. Unfortunately the plight of the turkey is still not good. Billions of innocent turkeys are still ruthlessly slaughtered every year. These beautiful birds are not free to roam the forest and glens, singing their beautiful songs, because vicious carnivores are murdering them for vile blood thirsty oral gratification.
But a ray of hope is on the horizon! We at The Society For Turkey Love have came up with the
Sponsor A Turkey(tm) program. For pennies a day you can sponsor an adorable turkey. Many of these are baby chicks who sadly have been left orphans. They need help for medicines, coops, school supplies, etc. Your sponsorship can make a difference. With your generous support, sponsored turkeys will receive tangible help -- enabling their communities to provide nutritious food and clean drinking water...education...basic health care...improved sanitation -- or services to enable struggling toms and hens to take better care of their chicks.
When you sign up in the
Sponsor A Turkey(tm) program you'll receive an original photo and case history, with name, age, family description and situation of your sponsored turkey. Later on, you'll receive progress reports from
The Society For Turkey Love staff who work in your turkey's community. Over and over again we've seen the fragile self-esteem of a poverty-stricken turkey rise, just from the knowledge that someone far away knows their name and cares.
We hope you will take part in this hopeful and exciting
Sponsor A Turkey(tm) program. You can make a difference in the life of a deprived turkey. Please send in your money today and help in the fight for turkey justice.
(Btw...HAVE A HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!)
November 19th, 2004 @ 10:36PM
THE DM ORIGIN OF FOOD 101
Gatherer on 11/17 @ 22:07:45
excuse me, mr.
librarian... i need some research done pronto. who was the first guy to make soup out of sparrow regurgitation and why? what was on his mind? was he just having a bad hair day or what? this has bothered me for quite some time, and i was hoping you could shed some light on it. thank you for your attention. (oh, and have a nice day).
sparrow vomit soup
From: dkeifer
Date: 2004-11-19 22:20:40
During the spring of 1858, Professor Emory Plugh, a Cambridge classicist, was given the task of translating a sheaf of ancient Roman texts. Among the parchments was a small scrap upon which the professor found, much to his surprise, a reference to something which literally translated as, “sparrow vomit soup.” Plugh, known even then for his eccentric ways, was intrigued, rather than disgusted. An enthusiast in all things ornithological, and having in his possession one of the only existent ancient recipes, he abandoned his translation and committed himself to whipping up the dubious dish. For the remainder of the spring and all of the following summer, Plugh roamed the fields and fens, capturing sparrows, and mistreating them in various ways in the hopes of causing them to expel the contents of their tiny stomachs. After much experimentation, he found that by grasping the birds by their feet and spinning them quickly circles, the desired result could be achieved.
By the start of the fall terms, Plugh’s culinary project had come to fruition, and the soup made its debut at the annual faculty brunch. The reception was not kind, and Plugh, eccentric or no, was promptly dismissed. Undaunted, he returned to his home in Westeastshire, were he was admired for keeping to his principles, accepted as a valued member of the community, and lived a long, healthy, happy life, tutoring Latin, regaling all with tales of academia, and serving up steaming bowls of what soon came to be considered a local delicacy.
Not long after Plugh’s death, it was discovered that the scrap of text referring to the soup was actually a page from the Roman equivalent of Mad Magazine—that particular issue featuring satirical recipes mocking the extravagance and disreputable taste of the Venetians. News of this discovery apparently never reached Westeastshire, where, to this day, the inhabitants rate the dish as, “not half as disagreeable as an egg cream.”
